*rubbing my eyes*

what's he building in there?

since sometime now, i ve been growingly restless about my future. which kinda goes against my well bought principles. (and i am not very pleased about it. alarmingly calm though.)

i am not sure. is the answer. there are questions.

1. greatness. all our education would suggest, greatness is something that is bestowed upon you, not something that can be chased or scheduled. i remember having a lengthy discussion with one of the senior scientists about this topic and soon realised that - greatness is handed out in kind packets like savories in the local mithai shop, if you are lucky enough. i ve seen greatness walk around the corridors in the building i work in; i ve shared elevators with it.. pissed in pee pots next to it. there is no glamour to greatness after its 15 minutes. there is its existence though. in a quiet and sometimes respected manner. which made it apparent, it is not greatness one should chase.. but respect. and it is far more humble. and less restless.

In These Arms from banjo bandstand on Vimeo.

2. love. impure. women are selfish. men are stupid. the days two of these people are fooled outta these.. the two are happy and the world would seem as glorious as the sun beams across a shining bay to call it lovely.

3. home. we lose it everyday, only realise it much later. don't try to define it, it will only make you sad.

4. happiness. is all around you. =)

ironic lives, brilliantly underlined by some habitual need for excitement and clamouring for attention in hours of uneasy solitude. this, is what we ve become. as a generation.

sometimes i get annoyed with myself, for turning into two people.

***

and in three years from now, if i am still writing stuff like this.. and if you see me around, remind me of the following video i ve been saving since sometime now. kindly.

Baradapur School, India - (charity: water) from charity: water on Vimeo.

everything worth living is dead

in this meandering excuse for life
we walk
without purpose
without a sense
of anything important
or seemingly distant

for
nothing more than an evening
that will realise
after the long withering day
of unused parables
and disproportionate excitement

it is here we walk
without purpose

in these worthless lives

mashal meme

i think this should be the viral video of the month (since there are no national anniversaries.. no hotels blew up in a capital yesterday.. no AB videos telling you about the country and similar cued emotions). once in awhile, it is not bad to get inspired in the absence of a particular reason. paste it on your social networking site, if you know what i mean.. who knows, someone somewhere might get inspired; tough times, these. remember, in strange ways, this world works. jai hind! =)

hm..

there are occasions when you would like to reply with a one-liner videlicet "sod off, you piece of shit!" but then you take a moment and slowly hit the delete button; thereby saving a couple of people some superfluous trouble, may be.

i seem to be doing this quite often these months. i don't like doing it, but i think it's the price one has to pay while growing up.

let me formally register my complaint - growing up sucks.

coz at times i like "such type" of songs

(songs that just play somewhere in the background, not intruding your thoughts, just your senses.. in a mild manner as if brushing past the conscious).

romanticising life.

people who ve known me for long enough (in continuum) would prolly agree that i romanticise most things in life. if not, all. to me that is strange. for the longest time i remember, i wanted to be a stoic. i could not manage that, instead.. i turned out to become a loud professor of inane moments of an excitable life.

and i have a problem with that.

sometimes.

but not today. coz i wish to write about something else. for there is little or no reason, to be sorry today. it has been a week that started with me eating the chilli con carne from the good party over the weekend.. leading into moments with the seven layered salad and the cake(s) i am yet to finish. it has been one of those weeks so far and quite frankly, i am not sure if i ll get over it anytime soon.

also, am a bit bored at work these days.

its purely a personality disorder, this. boredom.

i ve been complaining to myself about the disregard i ve showing towards work and such lately.. sleepwalking through the weeks without much being done, or attempted. for someone who would like to get outta the place, i ve nestled in to quite a mood of inactivity.

at some point of time today, i was convinced that the mind and the heart are two completely separate organs and function, operate independently, exclusively and are totally indifferent to the other's wishes. i also realised that i have come a long way in life, from dating women who liked half-priced margaritas.. to the ones who don't, for example. my jokes however, still reside in a state of being unfunny.

waiting for the lunch break, i write blogs whilst making wish lists starting with the words "i want".

i want to cook lunch on a wednesday afternoon. i want to buy a camera. i want to make a home movie. i want to write a sad poem. i want to walk down to lumas and stare at the picture i cannot afford. i want to pretend i am god.

only to realise, wishes are horses, and you can only ride them once so often in the urbanity that we live in.

now listen to the song again if the mood permits. he wrote it well.

p.s. i get cranky when i am hungry, as can be observed.