sometimes you jus dont like what you make!

fingers

better things

1. almost got knocked off by a train. did n't.
2. got a lotta work done.
3. saw a rainbow.
4. spent the last 3 hours doing nothing.

blogging old school

an old email that popped up accidentally today morning reads:

be happy. dont be afraid to fall in love. dance, be silly... yearn to kiss the clouds. believe... in yourself, in god... in everything that is made you who you are, and what you want to be. have fun... and cry when you have to. cos this is life, and you live it one year at a time.

its one of those saturday mornings, when things seem innocent enough to let certain words out. damp weather, sullen emotions.. empty spaces.

i am bemused, stressed and am dying. two of these three things are unrelated. the third one is a natural disease.

life moves around in circles (famous d.s. words), every once so often you feel its jus the same thing all over again. i know very little of what life is, outside words woven out of impulsive feelings. i know very little of what feelings are, outside moods born out of polarized prejudice. but like a bagel slicer in a front of an evenly stacked pile of cds, i too exist in the grand scheme of things. (that felt like blabber. can't be deniably logical to write such words unless, you are mildly drunk or emotionally discharged.)

my mood is not the best of its kinds when i jot this down, so things may seem more exaggerated than they actually are. then again, i am sad, so most things are forgiven when you are sad.

sometimes you are jus swamped with too many things in your head, that you cannot figure out what exactly is happening to your life.

in what seems to be a grand moment of delusion, i ask myself, how can anyone leading a life like mine, be sad? i thought i almost truly mastered the art of being aloof to the negativity in life. to betray any sense of responsibility to emotions, felt uniquely wonderful of little things in life amounting to surreal bouts of happiness. cheated myself of every ounce of charade. but then again, once in awhile.. one slips up, and lands in front of the gates of validity.

i dunno the answers to most questions i ask. some i do, but those are the ones i do not like to believe in. much like a soggy cereal, words drip out without so much as a form or figure.

when you think that you lost everything
you find out you can always lose a little more
(dylan)