i work during the weekends coz i dont work during the weekdays. i would say thats a good deal. no?

weltanschauung

in one of those moods of slight, you wonder of what it is. and where. in moments of blurry relevance, you think of little things that were lost. a simple dot of inspection. a moment of belief. no significance, no celebration. not even a jaded brow of concern. just a muted sense of purpose. a reason.

i 'm broke..

my bank balance for the rest of the month is 76,25 20,05 euros. all i ve left is this internet connection.

and a picture of a house..

bohemia

i fall in love with strangers.

i find myself in a train again..

is it being free? to walk barefooted in the middle of the night.. the cold wooden floor creaking under your skipping feet? to paint random red colors on the white canvas and pretend it is an abstract depiction of china? to pour the tea out from the carton for once.. to make air bubbles in it with a straw and a tumbler? is the mind free to not believe in ordinances.. is it being free, to be too lazy to believe in miracles on a sunday night? is it poetic?

a few months back, i wondered what it is like to be free. like all men in their mid twenties, who suffer from a mild delusion of grandeur, i got an answer.

six months later, now.. i lost the answer.

being free (be.fr.) has nothing to do with what you do, when you were born, or where you go.. and being free is more than jus a temp. state of inactivity in my head, surely.

in 2006, i thought being free was to be a surfer on tamarama. 2006 is two years old now, and i dont see a bay around to sniff the moist winds. also, i dont have hair long enough to pose. i tried to be tom carroll once and almost died. be.fr. should be easier than that.

in 2007, i felt to be.fr. one has to displace ones self geographically ever so often. this worked for a while, it was like watching a woody allen movie. you think you re cool jus coz you are in the theater. plus the kicks of knowing your place in the world. however, i ran two credit cards out while at it.. and had to flee a country.

in 2008, i was almost convinced that be.fr. was some sorta ability to stare into thin air and smile at the ceiling across it. i was later told, it was just sloth. i tried doing something similar in a more social environment, but only to be told.. it was just impolite. i almost got slapped twice, so that should not be it.

they make movies, these smart people about freedom and liberation and such sorts. most of it could be true. i think i should watch one such movie and be manipulated inspired into believing that freedom is found somewhere out there. in the wild, on the snow capped mountains or under the ocean. you know, the human-spiritual kinds.

or may be to be free is just being you. or just being. may be. am not sure, lemme wait for 2009 to end.

p.s. its been more than half a year since i traveled. thats a lot of time to spend away from oneself.

p.p.s. i never got slapped. i apologize for any public misunderstanding.